The reason why i made this new blog is because my old one, the one w/ the really nice template, has been uploaded to multiply--automatically...which makes me sad because well, for one i prefer blogger than livejournal, and two, i can't write on it anymore!! I wanna publish what i think, but i don't really want everyone to be reading it either--they're going to be shocked and lost in the darkness. LOL!
But it's season 2 and i have a new blog..this blog...
season 2?
yes, i've proposed to have a season 2 for my life...a time for change... and i guess this is what this blog entry is suppose to talk about...CHANGE.
I know that i am such an IMPERFECT person, my parents can't begin to know how much i've fanthomed the fact that i am really nothing, but ordinary. i listen to what they say and i've tried soOOooO FUCKING hard to make them happy and see that i am a good child, but i don't know...when they get angry they're still hurtful...but i understand...they're angry...but sometimes you don't come to them for advice, and that is something that they should learn. Sometimes, i tell them thngs not to ask for help, but rather i tell them things just because i want to. You don't have to say anything, all you have to do is LISTEN. LISTENING is a great gift... not everyone can listen. I don't want them to give me anything, i just want them to LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGING anything...JUST FUCKING LISTEN>>.. LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN... i wan to learn things on my own, and when i need them, i go to them, because i've worked on this fucking open relationship, and if they won't fucking listen and always pester i'ts just freakishly annoying! I know that what they have at heart is my best ineterst, but if it's for my best freaking interest, then why is my father angry? DOESN'T HE WANT ME TO BE FRIENDS AGAIN W/ HER? Why? It's just a freaking argument--arguments make relationships work, makes us GROW...w/c is something i can't understand. fine he's mad because i cried, then i won't freaking cry. THIS HOUSE ISN'T OPEN TO ANYONE CRYING anyway, w/c is why i'm just going to write about it here in my blog. They think they know me? I never told them anything about my high school problems and stuff, and guess what, HIGH SCHOOL WERE THE BEST YEARS IN MY LIFE. Maybe i should just learn toshut up at times, and yes, that is what i'm going to do: SHUT UP. The world will still revolve without me, so i'm just gonna let it revolve, and i'm going to sit back and do things that i should be doing, like studying. THE HELL with caring... the hell w/ talking to others, THE HELL with everything... i'm just going to sit back, and if someone approaches me, then that's the only time i'll talk...
I'm talkative, i probably won't be able to do that...but i will... I'll just keep QUIET. They want me to live a life with just academics and honors, w/c i do not have, then FINE LET ME LIVE LIKE THAT. I can't wait until i reach that age when i'm outside of this house. I know, it's going to be hard..and it's really like that w/ me eh...everything i plan for....everything i want to do will always EXPLODE on my FUCKING UGLY face! EVERYTHING! so optimisitc? NO... i'm just hopeful that one day maybe i'll be happy...if not..well what's NEW?!?!?!
So for this season, the goal is just to keep quiet, and keep my CLOSE friends close...Hannah, for example. I want to smile, but i also want to be silent.
Things NEVER go my way, i always screw up...everything's my fault... i hate this life...
THE END.
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