i'm probably just stuck in my little own world

and i need to maybe get out of it.

i never really understand a lot of people. i mean i try my best to be what i can be... and sometimes, even though i know i got hurt or whatever, i just tend to forego whatever it was that i feel and then just consider it from their point of view. but sometimes, there are some people whom you know are just doing something detrimental, and you want to change their minds.

but i guess, at the end of the day, not everyone wants to...you who pour out all your emotions on empowering that person to at least believe that he or she can change, it's like you just acted stupid anyway because they don't want to change. it's stupid...but that's just the fact of life...

ugh! i don't know i just feel furstrated, oh dear diary. why can't some people see that sometimes the root of their own problems is their own psychology. a lot of people just complain, complain, complain... but at the end of the day, you just waste your time complaining instead of doing something about those things... and then here i am...i wanna empower people--you can do something!

but yes, we are our own drivers anyway, we follow what we want to do, even if it's counterproductive. hehehe so with that, i just want to say: I GIVE UP. that's it... i mean i am out of line... why should i care and tell people how to improve anyway? no, not everyone is ready to do that. and so, i should just stop caring--or you know, caring from afar? Sometimes when you see people not going beyond their 'labels', and these people are those whom you actually care for, you just want them to succeed, but you try to wake them up to do that first. i don't like it when my friends are being made fun of by other people...i don't like it when they're encased in something negative and they're not transcending it...but it is their life after all...and if i try to say something, that's just the extent of it... i can't tell them how to live their lives--as if i'm living mine perfectly. yes...so i'll just stop right there...and give them my 2 cents when asked for it. it gets frustrating anyway when you try to meddle in other people's affairs. wake up, writer_anonymous, it's not your affair.
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i never really expect anyone to understand how i feel. feelings are relative after all... you may feel a certain way but other people would not really understand why you feel that way. that's why when i feel something, i just tend to understand the other person. i just really don't care anymore. relationships can be taxing... and i guess this is why i'm not really ready for a romantic relationship. so that things wouldn't turn ugly, i just want to understand the other and just deal with it. yea that's my motto: DEAL WITH IT. that's what life throws your way--deal with it. that's how they want to act, deal with it. just deal the fuck with it.

when i was younger, i did tell myself that the only person that, at the end of the day, i can rely on is myself. and right now, i am seeing that it still holds true. sometimes, you want to look for others for help, but they just wouldn't give you the same effort you try to give.

when people have problems and they contact me, i really drop everything i'm doing, whether it was an urgent academic requirement or not. i also don't like ending conversations without me giving a very significant and worth it piece of advice. but that's me. i have this concept on what an ideal friend is..and as much as possible, i want to live by that. but why is it that i don't really have a lot of friends? yes... that still remains a mystery, but it's part of the deal. i know that i'm no fun--i don't party, i don't do daring stuff, and i'd rather do what is right than risk doing what is wrong for the sake of 'fun' or blending in. i don't want to blend in, especially if i don't like what the status quo is anyway. what's the point? as long as i don't see the point, i don't do it. that's how i am--i'm happy like that, but a lot of people are different, and i respect that. when people come to me for my 2 cents, i try to give it my best...but will i have an ever growing friendship with that person? maybe, maybe not. but that's just how things really are.

i do hope though that one day, i would be able to find someone...who would meet me eye to eye. i don't know, just this special friend who just fills up this void that i have.

but at the end of the day, i just have to admit the fact that i'm really not perfect...and there are probably a LOT more people who'd be better friends than me. and that's fine...all i have to offer is me trying to live up to my expectations of how a friend should be. i'm really not perfect, so i cannot be a perfect friend after all. i don't see life as this happy sappy thing either, so no happy-happy joy joy with me.

i wish i was a rock.

i don't really care anymore. :P i mean i do, but generally, i just don't. or at least, i don't want to.

okay, enough nonsense, off to do my HR thought paper.